My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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