I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
