Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
