So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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