I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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