the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
