It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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