Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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