He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
