My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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