Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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