Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
