When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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