Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
