Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
