i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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