She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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