I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
