Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
