I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
