I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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