This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
