69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
