Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
