I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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