dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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