chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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