Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
