All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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