8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
