Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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