i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
