I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
