I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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