and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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