my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
