I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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