My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
