I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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