Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drunk is not a location!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
