Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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