Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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