i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
