Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
