cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
