I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
