Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
