But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
