I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
