is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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