I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
